Using the Life Group Member Agreement

Life groups have the potential to be places where God works powerfully to impact the lives of everyone in the group. But not all life groups live up to this potential. Why is it that some groups provide rich experiences, satisfying relationships, and meaningful life change, while other groups struggle to find their groove or maintain their purpose? There are two common problems that frequently undermine a life group’s development: unmet expectations and the natural tendency to drift. Fortunately, we have developed a tool that, when used well, can avert these problems and set the stage for a healthy and gratifying life group experience. This tool is the Life Group Member Agreement. In this resource, we’ll discuss:

1. What the Agreement is
2. Why your group will benefit from using the Agreement, and
3. How to use the Agreement effectively

What is the Life Group Member Agreement?

In short, the Life Group Member Agreement is a guideline for helping people to have the best group experience possible. It’s an agreement between group members of what they want and can expect out of a life group. More specifically, the Agreement is a document that communicates the purpose, values, and goals of life groups, and provides a framework for establishing the practical expectations of group members. The stated purpose of life groups is to provide a predictable environment where participants experience authentic community and spiritual growth. The stated values and goals of life groups are:

1. Relationships
2. Authenticity
3. Confidentiality
4. Respect
5. Availability
6. Multiplication

The Agreement briefly explains what each of these values and goals mean in the context of a life group. The Agreement also discusses logistical details, including the times and recurrence of group meetings, length and programmatic breakdown of group meetings, the planned life cycle of the group, and the “closed” nature of life groups. Finally, because the Agreement is, at its core, an agreement between the members of the group, it includes a place for each member to sign it, signifying their commitment to honor the Agreement.

Before we discuss the reasons for using the Agreement, let’s examine the hesitations that keep some groups from using the Agreement:

They don’t see the value in the Agreement.Because the layout of the Agreement somewhat resembles a form, it is sometimes viewed as an administrative formality—just something that the church wants each group to complete for management purposes.

They assume everyone is already on the same page. People often assume that everyone in the group has the same basic beliefs and the same expectations of what a life group should be. They may also assume that everything in the Agreement is common sense and therefore of little use.

They are scared off by the word “agreement.” We live in a culture that doesn’t like to commit, and an “agreement” sounds like a serious commitment. And because “agreement” is often used in a legal sense, some people fear that a group agreement will foster legalism in their groups.

Some groups don’t use the Agreement for these and other related reasons, while other groups are simply unaware that the Agreement exists. Whatever the reason, we have found that most groups are more willing—even anxious—to use the Agreement once they understand the Agreement and its purpose. And for that to happen, first the life group leader must understand the Agreement and its purpose.

Why should your group use the Agreement?

The primary reason to use the Life Group Member Agreement is to protect the health and development of your life group. The Agreement does this by:

1. Clearly establishing expectations
2. Giving predictability to the group experience
3. Increasing group members’ commitment and sense of ownership
4. Providing focus to the group
5. Serving as a tool for accountability and evaluation

Establishing expectations
Each member carries with them into the group a unique set of expectations. As a church, we have attempted to provide a clear picture of what life groups are all about. But the reality is that each person, based on their own past experiences and what they’ve heard from other people, has entered the group looking for a particular experience. If the group members don’t discuss their expectations early in the life of the group, there’s a good chance that those expectations won’t be met, leading to frustration, disappointment, and dissatisfaction with the group experience. The Agreement provides a vehicle for discussing expectations by calling attention to the purpose of life groups, the guiding values, and group logistics. As the group discusses these areas, each member gains a clearer understanding of how the group will operate. This helps align the various members’ expectations, as well as clarifying how those expectations will be met.

Building predictability
Part of the life group’s stated purpose is “to provide a predictable environment.” Why is predictability important? We believe that the ideal environment for fostering growth is characterized by a high level of trust and commitment. When group members experience a predictable environment—that is, they know who will be there and how the group meeting will go—they feel a sense of comfort and confidence that will allow them to be more authentic, which sets the stage for life change to occur. A predictable environment can actually encourage flexibility, because when bumps in the road arise, group members feel free to adapt, knowing that the group will return to its predictable state when the crisis is over.

Increasing commitment and ownership
Typically, when people fear commitment, it is not actually commitment they fear, but rather one of the following:

1. Fear that the object of their commitment will let them down
2. Fear that the object of their commitment will reject them
3. Fear that something better will come along, but they’ll be trapped by their commitment

As we’ll see, the Agreement can actually serve to limit the causes of these fears. For example, much of the feeling of being let down comes as the result of unmet expectations. As we’ve already discussed, however, the Agreement encourages the communication of expectations, reducing the likelihood that they will go unmet. The fear of rejection can be allayed by the group’s commitment to the values of relationships, availability, and respect. When these values are pursued, there is less risk of rejection. The fear of feeling trapped by a commitment will be alleviated in part because the Agreement has a defined life. At the end of 18-24 months, as agreed upon by the group, the life group’s run will end, as will the group members commitment to the group. As these fears are alleviated and the group members experience the benefits of community, their desire for commitment will actually grow.

The Agreement also instills a sense of ownership because it’s a mutual agreement between the group members. The commitment each person makes is not to the church or even to the group leader, but rather to the other members of the group. When group members agree to honor their commitment to each other and to the purpose, values, and goals of the group, they are agreeing to take responsibility for the growth and development of the group. For example, by agreeing to value relationships and availability, group members signify that they are committed to prioritizing and investing in each other personally—not depending on the group leader to make these relationships happen.

Providing focus
By clearly outlining the purpose, values and goals of the life group, the Agreement helps set the focus of the group. It defines success—group members experiencing authentic community and spiritual growth—and provides a path for getting there. For example, in order to experience community, group members must prioritize relationships and availability. In order for it to be authentic community, they must value authenticity, confidentiality, and respect. By establishing multiplication as a stated goal of the group, the Agreement helps the group to keep the end in mind.

Allowing evaluation and accountability
As we said earlier, one of the problems that undermines a group’s development is the natural tendency to drift. As group members grow more familiar with each other and the structure of the group, they may pay less attention to the values and guidelines that seemed so important when the group was first establishing its rhythm. Not only does the Agreement give a life group focus, it also provides a tool for evaluating the group. The Agreement sets forth the criteria by which the group’s health and development can be monitored. Whether the group is developing well or somehow missing the mark, the values, goals, and guidelines can help determine why. For example, the value of respect is described as follows: “Group members should never say anything that will embarrass their spouse or members of the group.” That’s something that can clearly be evaluated. Similarly, if a group that agreed to start at 7pm finds attendance a problem, it may be because group meetings have started to delay until 7:30 or 7:45, causing them to run late as well.

The Agreement also provides a platform for accountability. Because group members agree to honor the values and guidelines, the Agreement serves as a point of common ground when things go awry. In the previous example, if the group meeting has begun to start late consistently, reviewing the agreed upon start time from the Agreement can serve as the first step toward starting future meetings on time.

How can you use the Agreement effectively?

There is no one “right” way to use the Agreement, because each group is different, having its own set of distinct personalities. However, here are some practical tips for using the Agreement to your group’s advantage.

Introducing the Agreement
Most leaders find it works best to introduce the Agreement organically. Start with a question, such as “What is most important for you in this group?” or “What are your hopes and expectations of the group?” As the group members share their desires and expectations, you can explain that the agreement is a great way for the group to make sure they’re all on the same page and that they get the most out of their group experience. You can also address the tendency of groups to drift, and present the Agreement as a way to protect against that tendency. Finally, you can explain that the purpose and values expressed by the Agreement not only reinforce a positive group experience, but also support the mission of the church to lead this generation into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.

Tips for introducing the Agreement:

1. After you’ve introduced the concept, give each member a copy of the Agreement, and then pass around a master copy for everyone to sign.
2. Mention the Agreement again near the end of the starter period, or when the group transitions to being a regular group.
3. Sign the trial 8-week Agreement during the starter period to get group members used to the idea of a agreement.

Revisiting the Agreement
If the purpose of the Agreement is to protect the group and keep it on track, then the Agreement should not be a one-time-only tool. You will want to revisit the Agreement periodically (at least once every three months) throughout the life of the group in order to evaluate the group’s health and development. Take advantage of natural opportunities to review the group’s progress; if your group breaks for the holidays or for the summer, plan to spend one meeting prior to the break revisiting the agreement. If you notice that the group is drifting or that problems are beginning to arise, that may also suggest that it’s time to revisit the agreement.

Questions to ask when revisiting the agreement:

1. “Which value is especially important to you, and why?”
2. “How do you feel like group is going? Is our group meeting your expectations?”
3. “What are we doing well? How could we do better?” [Generally, or for each value]

How NOT to use the Agreement

Just as a wisely used Agreement can help the group, a poorly used Agreement can undermine its effectiveness. Here are some Don'ts to keep in mind:

1. Don’t approach the Agreement as an administrative formality or as “The church wants us to…”
   In reality, the Agreement was created for the benefit of the group, not the church. The main reason that groups are asked to provide a copy to the Groups Director is to increase the Groups Director’s understanding of the group when he or she is called upon to give direction to the group.
2. Don’t under- or overuse the Agreement.
   Obviously an Agreement that goes in a folder and never sees the light of day does not serve the group much good. But bringing out the Agreement once a month undermines its value. Revisiting the Agreement three times a year is a good rule of thumb.
3. Don’t be legalistic or make the Agreement “holy.”
   While the Agreement should provide for accountability and predictability, the Agreement is there to serve the group members and not the other way around. If it becomes clear that changes need to be made (such as extending the meeting time from 90 minutes to two hours), feel free to revise the Agreement if the group members agree.
4. Don’t use the Agreement as a weapon.
   The point of the Agreement is to protect the health and development of the group, and if you are using the Agreement to bend the group members to your will or force a member out of the group, you are missing the point.
5. Don’t mock the Agreement.
   As the group leader, the group will take its cues from you in how it responds to the Agreement. If you marginalize or make fun of the Agreement that will limit your ability to use the Agreement to redirect the group when problems arise.

We hope that this resource will help you to understand the Life Group Member Agreement and how to use it to safeguard your group. We believe that by using the Agreement wisely and effectively, you can help your group live up to its potential as a predictable environment where your group members do, in fact, experience authentic community and spiritual growth.